


Admission

by youcouldmakealife



Series: Impaired Judgment (and other excuses) [98]
Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 17:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20492381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youcouldmakealife/pseuds/youcouldmakealife
Summary: “I feel like no matter what I fucking do that shit’s going to keep following me for the rest of my fucking life,” Bryce says.





	Admission

Coffee and marriage talk is enough to keep them from crashing at his parents — where would they even sleep? — but Elaine and Julius both look half asleep when his mom nudges Jared and tells him maybe they should head out. Julius is legit asleep by the time they get to the apartment, and Elaine seems to get a second wind with the power of like, mothering. Jared doesn’t need to herd him, because Elaine’s doing it for him.

“Talked to Julius,” Jared says, when they get to their room, pulling off the Flames sweater.

“Yeah?” Bryce asks.

“He read stuff about you online,” Jared says. “It’s not like, you. Or like. It is, but.”

“That shit’s like—” Bryce says, and then stops. “Fuck.”

“I know,” Jared says. 

“I feel like no matter what I fucking do that shit’s going to keep following me for the rest of my fucking life,” Bryce says.

“I know,” Jared says again. “I’m sorry.” At the start, and even well into their relationship, he’d have said that it’s stuff that it’s like, legit for people to judge him for, and it is, it still is; it’s not like Bryce was like, wrongfully accused, and it was fucked up, he meant it with Julius, he isn’t going to make excuses for Bryce, but honestly, Bryce is right. He could probably retire tomorrow and devote his life to saving puppies or some shit and people would still be asking him about it decades down the line. 

“So you’re not cool with City Hall,” Jared says, because Bryce looks frustrated now, or like, more than frustrated, frustrated isn’t a strong enough word, and Jared is absolutely not above manipulating the fact that any talk about the wedding makes Bryce grin like a dope to avoid ruining Christmas. Not even because of the day itself, but because time’s kind of running out until Jared and Julius are heading back to Edmonton, and Jared would kind of like that time to be, like. Good. “Please don’t tell me you want to like, rent a castle.”

“I don’t think there are any castles around here,” Bryce says, which disturbingly implies that if there were, he would totally be renting a castle.

“You wanna do it in Calgary?” Jared says. There was a lot of detailed discussions about like, food, and invitees, and yes, Erin, you can be the fucking maid of honour, stop harping on it, but not so much about the venue, beyond the fact it’s clearly not going to be City Hall.

“‘Course,” Bryce says, frowning at him like he’s dense.

“I mean, we could do it in B.C., it doesn’t have to be Calgary,” Jared says.

“Yeah, but this is where we live,” Bryce says. “And your family lives here.”

“Yeah, but like, someone’s family has to travel,” Jared says. “And if we’re doing it in the summer anyway, it’s cool if we do it around Vancouver.”

“This is where I met you, though,” Bryce says. “So it just makes sense to me to do it here, you know? Get married where I fell in love.”

Jared tries very hard not to do the usual Matheson malfunction at Bryce’s naked sincerity. He’s gotten better at it over the years, acclimated, because earnestness is Bryce’s default when he’s not doing the whole douche front, but sometimes it still kind of punches him in the throat, the way Bryce can say stuff like that without hesitation.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Jared says finally. “Calgary it is.”

It is honestly ridiculous how Bryce’s smile still gets to him. Jared’s pretty sure he’d do anything for it. He’s not sure Bryce knows that. He probably doesn’t. Jared doesn’t know how to say it, thinks he’d probably choke on the words, so he just ends up trying get Bryce to aim it his way as much as possible.

*

Jared sleeps in again on Boxing Day. He shouldn’t make a habit of it or anything, but there’s nothing like sleeping in his own bed with Bryce curled around him. He bought the same mattress for his place in Edmonton, but it isn’t the same. There’s a distinct lack of Bryce being a space heater beside him. Can’t buy that.

“There you are,” Elaine says when he shuffles into the living room, sounding delighted to see him. It’s nice, like having his own personal cheerleader. Well, he has two, though Bryce is half asleep in his coffee, so he’s not getting cheerleading from him right now.

“I was going to get brunch,” Elaine says after Jared’s grabbed a cup of coffee of his own and settled against Bryce on the couch. “Julius, did you want to join me? There’s this wonderful place just around the corner, their food is fantastic.”

Bless Elaine Marcus. She is the best mom in the world. Sorry Susan, Jared doesn’t see you transparently herding linemates out of the apartment so Bryce and Jared can fuck. Bryce would argue that Elaine’s just doing it to give them time alone, Jared’s sure, horrified by the idea of his mom actually knowing they’re having sex while she’s out, but ‘time alone’ is one-hundred percent a euphemism and she knows exactly what she’s doing.

“I am fine eating here,” Julius says, and is apparently immune to Jared glaring at the side of his head.

“I’m just going to get ready, let me know if you change your mind,” Elaine says, and disappears into the guest room. Jared exchanges a look with Bryce, then jerks his head toward their room, and Bryce disappears down the hall after her so Jared can kick Julius out of their apartment.

“You know why she’s asking you out for brunch, right?” Jared asks.

“She is being nice?” Julius guesses.

“I mean, yeah,” Jared says. “But like. She’s being nice to me and Bryce.”

Julius looks confused.

“So we can have some time alone,” Jared says.

If he didn’t know better he’d say Julius was being obtuse on purpose, because his face isn’t getting any less confused. Euphemism failure. Blunt truth is what it’ll have to be.

“Dude,” Jared says. “I want to fuck my fiancé, and I’d rather you’re not like, in the next room when I’m doing it.”

Julius looks utterly scandalised, but on the bright side, he lets Elaine drag him out for brunch. Which is good, because Bryce is not quiet. He probably would be, if Elaine and Julius were in the apartment, if he was willing have sex at all, but Jared likes hearing him. They have shower sex, because Jared still hasn’t learned from his mistakes, and he always forgets that shower sex leads to pain, and then, once Jared’s recovered from his shower sex injury — it’s like, a scraped elbow, it’s whatever, the recovery time is minimal, it in fact seems to match his refractory time exactly — they have bed sex, which is a much better option and what they should have done in the first place. 

Bryce passes out pretty much immediately after round two, and it’s not like they need to do anything today, so Jared leaves him to it, paging through the wedding planning book and taking notes until Elaine and Julius come back, almost two hours after they left. He was getting kind of worried about them, but not like, enough to pick up his phone and potentially shorten his alone time. Alone with Bryce time? Even with Bryce asleep, it doesn’t feel like being alone, feels better than that. 

Jared pulls on a pair of Bryce’s sweats and an old Hitmen shirt, wonders if the wardrobe change makes it obvious sex happened, then decides who cares, Elaine facilitated it and Julius already had his scandalised moment, so whatever. 

“Where’s Bear?” Elaine asks when Jared comes into the hall.

“He’s taking a nap,” Jared says.

“Oh, a ‘nap’,” Julius says wisely, like he finally understands euphemisms now that there aren’t actually any. His cheeks are flushed, like, more than from the cold, and his eyes look suspiciously glassy.

“Are you drunk?” Jared asks.

“Mimosas,” Julius says, drawing the word out, like it’s a foreign term that he’s just learned — actually, it may well be — and he is _delighted_ by it. 

“They had bottomless ones,” Elaine adds cheerfully. 

“Oh boy,” Jared mutters, and goes into the kitchen. Julius looks dubiously at the glass of water Jared returns with.

“Drink it,” Jared says.

“Thanks mom,” Julius says solemnly. Then giggles. He fucking _giggles_. It is appalling. Julius Halla is not a giggler.

Jared marches into their room, because Elaine’s gone into the guest room, and it’s not like he could rant at her anyway, so Bryce it is.

“Your mom got Julius drunk,” Jared accuses. “He’s _giggly_.”

“I kinda wanna see that,” Bryce mumbles into a pillow, but doesn’t actually get up, and when Jared gets too close, he gets hauled right into bed. “Nap with me,” he says.

“We have guests,” Jared says.

“They’re day drunk,” Bryce says. “Day drunk means they’ll be napping in ten minutes too.”

Jared wouldn’t know, but Bryce would.

“Nap?” Bryce asks hopefully.

“Fine,” Jared says, because Bryce is sleep warm, and soft looking, and Jared’s got a lot of nights in an empty bed to not look forward to.

When he wakes up late afternoon, disentangling himself from Bryce, Julius is asleep on the couch, and Elaine’s nowhere to be seen, presumably in the guest room, considering her boots are still in the hall, so he guesses Bryce was right. He starts on dinner — he’s got a much better range of ingredients to work with here than he typically does unless he does the grocery shopping, probably because Bryce picked groceries with the objective of fooling Elaine into thinking he was a functional adult. Jared doubts she bought it, but it does mean Jared can make something decent for them instead of breakfast for dinner or something. Also healthy — Christmas dinner was delicious, but Jared’s still feeling it the next day.

Julius shuffles into the kitchen after Jared gets the chicken in the oven, hair sticking up everywhere.

“How’re you feeling?” Jared asks.

Julius grimaces at him.

“That good, huh?” Jared asks.

“Headache,” Julius mumbles, refilling his water glass. 

“Dinner’s in about half an hour,” Jared says.

“You cook?” Julius says, like Jared isn’t literally standing in front of the oven.

“Sometimes,” Jared says. He’s probably going to live to regret letting Julius know that, now that he’s thinking about it.

Bryce finally comes out when Jared’s plating, and after Jared turns him around and sends him to go get Elaine he reports that she wants to nap a little longer. That’s totally going to mess up her sleep schedule, but she’s like, an adult, so. Not that Bryce and Julius aren’t adults — kinda — but while Jared would have no compunctions poking either of them awake and dragging them to the table, he can’t really do that to his future mother-in-law. 

It’s the first time it’s been just him and Bryce and Julius, which is kind of nerve-wracking without the buffer of Elaine’s friendliness. Like, Julius isn’t a friendly person, honestly, and Bryce is pretty wary right now, and Jared is the link between them and he doubts anyone has ever described him as friendly, up to and including his actual friends. 

“You want a beer, Julius?” Bryce asks, head in the fridge, so he doesn’t see the face Julius makes. It’s his own damn fault for mainlining mimosas. Well, or it’s the internet stuff, but Julius has had more to drink since they got to Edmonton than Bryce has.

“No thank you,” Julius says, polite at least.

“J?” Bryce asks.

“There any wine left in the fridge?” Jared asks.

“Yeah, I’ll make you a spritzer,” Bryce says, and Jared can hear his smile. And yes, Jared would do just about anything to elicit one of those smiles, but —

“It’s not that funny,” Jared mutters. All beer tastes gross. He’s found some less gross than others, but never, ever anything he’d actually describe as ‘good’, or even ‘not gross’. 

There’s definitely awkwardness when they all sit down at the table. Honestly, they don’t use it that much, except for like, special occasions and breakfast — breakfast is table food, lunch and dinner is couch food — so it’s already weird. Julius is looking at his plate, and Bryce is looking at Julius like he’s waiting for him to look up, and Jared is half ready to go knock on Elaine’s door, rude or not, when Julius says, “This is good,” sounding a little surprised and also like he’s having an epiphany, and awkward is washed away by dread. He’s absolutely going to get Julius demanding he make them dinner on a regular basis now, isn’t he.

“Jared’s a great cook,” Bryce says, the opposite of helpful. Jared kicks him under the table. “You are!” Bryce says.

“You’re only saying that because you have no point of reference,” Jared says. 

“I do,” Bryce protests.

“You eat like, exclusively catering and delivery, of course something actually cooked at home tastes good to you,” Jared says, then, seeing Julius is already halfway through his plate, “Slow down, dude, there’s more in the kitchen.” 

“It’s really good,” Julius says around his fork.

Yeah, Jared is definitely going to be cooking way more in Edmonton than he has so far.

Bryce puts his fork down. That also feels ominous. “I did stupid shit when I was younger.”

Julius glances over at Jared, then puts his own fork down.

“This honestly isn’t any of your business, and I don’t really want to talk about it,” Bryce says, and Jared flinches, because he sounds pissed, and Bryce is way better at talking things out than Jared, but that flies out the window when his temper gets involved. “But like, you’re Jared’s friend, and I know he cares what you think, and I’m kind of fucking tired of people in Jared’s life telling him I’m not good enough for him even if it’s true.”

“Bryce,” Jared says. 

“No, let me —” Bryce says. “I was trying to like, be straight, or like, at least pretend to be, and—”

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Jared says, when Bryce stops, but Bryce takes a breath, barrels on.

“—and I didn’t know how to be, so I just — copied the guys who seemed to know what they were doing. And I fucking hated it, and I drank too much to make it easier and I did stupid shit when I was drunk.”

“Bryce—” Jared says. 

“Jared, stop,” Bryce says. “I was hanging out with people I didn’t like, and I was fucking people I wasn’t attracted to, and I just fucking — hated everything, including myself, and I fucked up. A lot. And I’m fucking sorry. But that’s not — that’s not me. I don’t want to be that guy anymore, and I don’t — I don’t have to be, with Jared, and I just—”

He’s breathing too fast, on the verge of hyperventilating, and Jared wants to reach out, touch him, but he thinks Bryce might crack if he does, and he’d be mortified if he did it in front of Julius.

“I’m just gonna,” Bryce says, and then gets up, walks straight to their room. 

“Gimme—” Jared says, pushing his chair back, doesn’t wait for Julius’ response before he follows Bryce, who’s sitting on their bed, still breathing too fast.

“Hey,” Jared says, sitting down beside him, still unsure if Bryce would welcome his touch. “You okay?”

“I fucked that up, I think,” Bryce says, voice unsteady.

“No,” Jared says. “You did good.”

Bryce snorts.

“I’m sorry I put you in that situation,” Jared says.

“You’re not the guy with a fucking criminal record,” Bryce says.

“You know that’s not how I think of you,” Jared says.

Bryce shrugs jerkily.

“Can I touch you, or—” Jared starts, but doesn’t finish the question before Bryce is folding right into him. Jared wraps an arm around him, kisses the top of his head. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, because your dad and Halla being the Bryce Marcus is the Worst Club is so fun,” Bryce mumbles. 

“I’m really sorry,” Jared says.

“Not on you,” Bryce says.

“I mean, he’s my dad,” Jared says. “So kind of. If it helps, Elaine, and Erin, and I totally outnumber them in the Bryce Marcus is the Fucking Best Club. And like, Chaz is out of town, but he’s a satellite member, just for the record.”

Bryce snorts. 

You know me being too good for you is fucking bullshit, right?” Jared says. “And I’ll say that to anyone who tells me that, including you.”

Bryce shrugs again.

“Seriously,” Jared says. “You’re like, sweet, and so fucking talented and treat me amazing, and I’m like. A hobgoblin.”

“I don’t know what a hobgoblin is, but I’m pretty sure you’re not one,” Bryce says.

“One-hundred percent hobgoblin, it’s in my Matheson blood,” Jared says. “And people putting you down pisses me off, so like. Don’t piss me off, Marcus.”

Bryce laughs a little, finally relaxes into him. “Halla’s probably super uncomfortable right now,” he mumbles.

“He can deal,” Jared says, squeezes his shoulder. “You want me to bring you dinner? I get it if you don’t want to go back out right now.”

“No, I should,” Bryce says. “Be like, a good host, you know?”

“You don’t have to,” Jared says, but Bryce is pulling away, getting up, and Jared follows him out to the dining room, where Julius is still sitting, looking uncomfortable, as expected, though apparently he wasn’t too uncomfortable not to finish eating.

“Sorry if that was super awkward,” Bryce tells his plate after he sits down.

“It’s okay?” Julius says, glancing over at Jared. “Sorry I — assume?”

“It’s cool,” Bryce says. 

“Cool,” Julius says, looking back down at his own plate.

“You can get more food if you’re hungry, you know,” Jared says. “You don’t need permission.”

“Okay,” Julius says, retreating into the kitchen and returning with a half filled plate. Dinner’s awkward still, but Julius is clearly trying, pointedly asks Bryce some hockey questions, tells him his mom’s really nice, all things that wouldn’t be that big from someone else, but considering Julius doesn’t talk much to like, anyone, up to and including Jared, it’s definitely noticeable as an attempt to smooth things over.

Things ease even more when Elaine comes to join them, apparently completely oblivious that anything went on. Jared wouldn’t be surprised if she noticed but decided oblivious was the way to navigate the situation, because it works, everyone relaxing as Elaine talks about an email she just got from Bryce’s grandparents about their Christmas, how grown up Erin’s looking, whatever seems to come to her head.

Julius offers to help Jared with the dishes after dinner, and it’s not anything that takes much work, or even two people — it’s not like they don’t have a dishwasher, so it’s just rinse and stack — but Jared knows the intent.

“Sorry,” Julius says.

“He’s a really great guy,” Jared says. “Just. Just so you know.”

Julius nods, spends a lot of time rinsing a plate that doesn’t really need it.

“I know that was like, awkward,” Jared says.

“It’s okay,” Julius says. “I made things awkward first.”

He’s not actually wrong, so Jared’s not going to protest. 

“I don’t know if I have to tell you all that was all super private,” Jared says.

Julius glances up at him, some of the usual sarcasm back on his face. 

“I know you’re not going to tell anyone, just,” Jared says. “It took a lot for him to tell you that. It’s not exactly something he likes talking about.”

Julius nods a little, keeps rinsing, handing Jared dishes so Jared can put them in the dishwasher.

Jared blows out a breath. “I hate talking about fucking feelings,” he says.

“Me too,” Julius says. 

“Just like,” Jared says. “Bryce is a good person, and I love him kind of a crazy amount, and I’m going to marry him no matter what anyone says about it, but like, you’re my friend and I’d, you know, like it if you’d be happy for me when I do.”

“I’m happy for you,” Julius says.

“Okay, good,” Jared says. 

“Good,” Julius repeats.

“Let’s never talk about feelings again,” Jared says.

Julius meets his eye, then nods solemnly, so they have a deal.


End file.
